Wednesday, July 15, 2009

An Open Letter to Rolling Stone Magazine Regarding Its Second Jonas Brothers Cover

Dear RS:

A second Jonas Brothers cover. Really? It's bad enough I had to suffer the first one. And what's with the "Boys to Men" tagline? I get that it's supposed to be a cute play-on comparing Jonas Cubed with that other popular male singing group, Boys II Men. But there's a major flaw in that comparison. One group has talent and the other has a gimmick. Guess which one is which. I'll give you a hint: Promise fucking rings. I, for one, believe that those rings are a gag, and the "we're saving ourselves for marriage" schtick is bullshit. These fellas are getting much touch. (Besides, I remember another teenage singing sensation who proclaimed to be a virgin and all the while she was alledgedly fucking her back-up dancers. Um, her name rhymes with Frittney.) Didn't one of them just get engaged? Kevin or Harpo - I forget his name. Well at least the engaged one is having sex with one chick instead of several. Seriously, I'm totally mystified as to why these guys are so popular. Probably, it's because I'm not a teenage girl or a gay man into teenage boys. Their music is mediocre - and I'm being extremely generous. And their live performances are less than stellar. Today's Washington Post's review of their recent "weary" performances at DC's Verizon Center reports "chinks in their armor" possibly from too much touring and overexposure. Hmmmm....sounds like Jonas Cubed need a break not another glossy cover. Well Rolling Stone, I know you're just a marketing tool these days so it's your business to do what you can to make these boys - I'm sorry - men look COOL and help them sell more units. Hence, the second Jonas Brothers cover that I'm glaring at. I can only hope that your next cover is of a musical act that has geniune talent and substance. But I won't hold my breath.

Sincerely,

So So Over Them

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